The Secret Adventures of the Fellowship x Star War
by Larien Melwasul
Summary: What happens when the characters from Star Wars suddenly run into the fellowship? Find out in the secret diaries. Rated for grude humor and language.
1. Day 1 Aragorn

                                         The Secret Adventures of the Fellowship 2 

_Hey! Seeing as how I got mostly positive reviews on the last one with POTC and LOTR, I decided to go ahead with my original plan, which was to write more adventures with LOTR meeting other movie characters. I hope they're just as satisfying as the first one, and make you laugh. Also, for those of you who think I'm trying to be Cassandra Claire, you're dead wrong. No one can top her. She's a brilliant writer with excellent ideas! I'm just using some of her writings and ideas as a reference. With that said, I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think!_

_            Summary: The Fellowship sets off once more towards Mount Doom, with new Companions. This time, they've recruited Hon Solo, Princess Leia, Luke Skywalker, Chewbacca, See-Threepio, and Artoo-Detoo. The Fellowship struggles all the way, the hobbits playing practical jokes on the druids, Leia falling for Legolas, Gimli falling for Chewbacca, and Luke and Frodo get off on the wrong terms. Not to mention, Han gives Sam a blaster, and Aragorn fears Han is corrupted by the Ring. And is that Gandalf and Obi-Wan battling off in the distance? Will the fellowship get past all the obstacles on their journey to Mount Doom, or will their own personal problems drive them insane…? _

**_Day 1_**

**_Aragorn_**__

            In Bree, when an incredibly large ship lands outside the gate.  Most tacky, as it sticks out.  Presumed it was new Fellowship members. Legolas, Gimli, and I still the only ones here.  Don't know where hobbits are.  Said they'd be back in an hour.  They needed to "freshen up." 

            Nearly collapsed at the sight of the new members as they approached us.  The two men looked half way decent, and the woman was pretty.  Large buns quite a turn off, if you know what I mean.  One of the members looked like a large walking rug.  Or three dwarfs, that haven't heard of the word 'shave', piled on top of each other.  It made noises like the ones a drunken hobbit makes when you tickle it…not that I'd know.  The other two most unusual.  The one looks like a walking gold human, and he talks like a human with a piece of Lembas stuck in his throat.  The smaller one looks almost round and communicates with a series of beeps.  What have I gotten myself into?

            The two men, one named Han Solo, the other, Luke Skywalker, seem nice enough.  When introduced, Luke said something about being a Jedi…what is a Jedi?  Am a little wary about him.  Have a feeling it might be a different way of saying he's gay.  Yuk.  Already have Frodo, do not want Luke.  Said he could move things with his hands.  Am now very afraid!  Legolas seemed interested enough.

 Han seems like the type of guy I'd like.  A little loud, but hey!  So is Gimli!  And Gimli is kind of like Frodo…the height, I mean.  Oops.  Started bragging about the ship, apparently called _The Millennium Falcon_.Had to laugh. Stupid mortal couldn't name his ship better then the "Millennium Falcon"?  When I laughed he pulled out what he calls a blaster.  I only smiled and pulled out my sword.  Apparently there's going to be a challenge for leadership.  When I held the sword up to his throat, he only laughed, and fired the blaster at the house behind.  I looked at the hole and put away my sword.  He can be leader, for all I care…(pout)

Leia, the woman, was apparently a princess.  She seems strangely attracted to Legolas. Weird.  He can't even flex properly.  She seemed to like the pointy ears…I wonder what she'd do if I told her he files them?  Gimli went right over to Chewbacca and started conversing.  Obviously the dwarf theory was right.  Hobbits finally showed up, all wet.  Said Ringwraiths were chasing them.  Yeah right.  Went right over to Fordo to see if he was all right, but Han intercepted.  Think he might want Frodo too.  Leadership is one thing.  Frodo is another.  He's MINE!  My precious…


	2. Day 2 Legolas

**Day 2**

**Legolas**

            Woke up this morning and Leia offered to braid my hair.  Princess most kind, she even offered to wash my clothes.  Told her elves never sweat, so it wasn't necessary.  She's now pouting.  Starting to wonder about her big buns…perhaps I will show her secret elf styling tricks.

            Started on our way to Mount Doom.  Good thing.  Think ring is affecting Aragorn.  He won't let Han anywhere near Frodo.  Keeps stroking him whispering, "My precious."  Sam threw an apple at him today, and took "Poor Mr. Frodo" away.  Think Frodo doesn't like Luke.  This morning he challenged him to a sword fight.  Luke showed him his light saber.  Frodo dislikes him even more.  Sam told Luke that Frodo's Sting was also a light saber in disguise.  Luke only laughed and patted their heads saying, "Cute little hobbits."  Sam bit his hand.

            Tried to find Gimli.  Wanted to talk to him about how pesky Leia is.  Couldn't find him, though.  Aragorn said he was with Chewbacca…must be hidden amongst all that fur.  I gave up looking when I realized Chewy had a bow caster.  Although, did offer him manicure later tonight.  I think he agreed…Leia asked if she could string my bow.  I ran away, and hid amongst the hobbits.

            Merry and Pippin dared See-Threepio to eat an apple.  Artoo now removing shards of burnt apple from the droids' inside.  Merry and Pippin can't stop laughing.  They also bribed Artoo into bringing them whatever they requested.  I use Artoo for better reasons…he makes a great mirror.  Also, I find it quite amusing watching Merry and Pippin quiz Threepio on all the middle earth languages. 

Later:

            Luke found out the hard way that you couldn't beat a group of Orcs by merely cutting off one of their arms.  Luke is now missing a hand; his other hand actually.  Said his father cut off the other.  Isn't that child abuse?  Aragorn tried to ease the pain with some plant he found.  Stupid Aragorn always trying to show up Han.  Only made matters worse.  Arwen came.  Offered to take Luke back to Rivendell where he could heal.  She rode off with Frodo instead.  Stupid Elf gives me a bad name.  Han offered to shoot the horse as she rode off.  Aragorn was too afraid he'd miss and hit Frodo.  Now have to venture to Rivendell to get Frodo back.


	3. Day 3 Gimli

**Day 3**

**Gimli__**

Am in Rivendell.  Found Frodo in Lord Elronds' room.  I thought Arwen took him?  Luke almost lost entire arm when he started to call his light saber "Bee".  Frodo hates him.  Luke now under the care of Elrond.  Said he was going to teach Elrond the ways of the force… okay.  Caught them sneaking around in Arwen's closet.  Luke now has new black cape.  Frodo smells like strawberries.  Sam swears he has nothing to do with it.  Yeah right.  I found the bottle of strawberries scented bubble bath in his room.  Now I smell nice and clean.  Advised Chewy to bathe while he had the chance.  Said he thought his manly, smelly, stubble was quite a turn on.  Said he needed to bathe.  Funny wookie.

            Leia's hair now matches Legolas'.  Not fair.  Merry told me she even got to string his bow.  Next thing you know, she'll be speaking Elvish and wearing all green.  Never mind.  The next thing is speaking elvish.  She fits in quite well, except she carries a blaster around.  Said she's going to take over Rivendell…good.  Leave Legolas alone.  Merry and Pippin had Artoo sneak into Legolas' room and start reciting the black speech of Mordor.  Legolas is now running around yelling, "I choose life!"

            Aragorn starting to see Arwen again.  Although found out when she asked him to meet her alone, on a bridge, he brought Frodo with.  Said he didn't want Han to get him.  Arwen threw Evenstar necklace at him.  Aragorn sent her into a frenzy when he told her that he saw one just like it at the Gap of Rohan.  She said that she'd give up her immortality to him.  Frodo asked at most inappropriate time what immortality was, and said that Aragorn had made that same pledge to him.  Aragorn now has black eye, and Sam can't find Frodo.

            Merry and Pippin just shoved Threepio off waterfall to see if he'd hold together…good thing he floats.  Poor Chewy has his work cut out for him now.  Han tried petting Chewy when I pointed out he didn't like it. 

            "What do you mean, he doesn't like it?  Of course he likes it." 

            Han went off with a bleeding hand, mumbling, "I want a hobbit.  Not a wookie."

Later:

            Had to hide Chewy from the paparazzi of dwarfs at council meeting.  Most dull meeting ever.  Tried to destroy ring right then and there, so I could leave Fellowship and run a way with Chewbacca, but everyone got mad.  At least I missed.  Leia tried to take ring and then shoot Elrond, raging about being Queen.  Aragorn said first he had to become King.  Legolas now holding Leia back away from the ring.  Not having much difficulty.  About ready to try and break her with my axe… 

            Aragorn held Frodo's hand the entire time, while Han mouthed words to Frodo.  When Elrond made a crack about stupid old puppets, Luke pulled out his light saber and threatened to do him in.  Aragron was the next to jump up when Han blew a kiss, and soon the two pairs were arguing.  Then Legolas jumped up when Leia pinched him, and I accused him of being a two-timer.  I had almost made him apologize when Frodo said he'd take the ring to Mordor.  Well of course he would!  He also said that we could settle our disputes over the fires of Mount Doom.  I like the way this hobbit thinks. 

            Turns out other hobbits and droids were listening and agree with the plan.  Sam was the first to first the motion.  Go figure.


	4. Day 4 Frodo

**Day 4 **

**Frodo**

            Have started off again towards Mount Doom.  Can't seem to get away from Aragorn and Han.  Both men absurdly into me.  But then again, who can resist?  Caught Threepio trying to get a look at the ring.  When Sam accused him of trying to steal it, he said that he was only looking because he liked gold.  Artoo zapped him when he tried to get a second look…Merry and Pippin told him he'd have to kill Aragorn in order to get a look at it.  Aragorn is now constantly dodging Threepio.  They also told Artoo that Threepio liked Aragorn more.  Artoo is now out to kill Threepio.  Poor droids.  Merry and Pippin find it hysterical. 

            Aragorn told me today that Han was an evil Wizard in Disguise trying to take the ring.  No!  Decided not to tell Sam as he might do something rash.  Instead, I called Jaba the Hutt.  Aragorn said that Leia told Legolas that Jaba hates Han.  Han now carbonated.  Yes!  Except now we have to carry him all the way there. 

            I hate Luke. Hate him.  Stole his light saber named "Bee" and told Pippin to give it to Artoo for safekeeping.  Also, told Leia that Luke was planning on killing Legolas.  She now has a new mission, no longer wants to rule Rivendell.  Told Legolas that Luke wanted a hair cut and told Aragorn that Luke tried to approach me.  Now everyone's out to get Luke!  HA!

            Anyhoo, ring seems to be attracted to Han's carbonated body.  Maybe it's not gold after all.  Some sort of metal.  Cheap ring.  I should've gone to the Gap of Rohan.  Heard Aragorn saw some nice ones there…now I'm stuck walking right here with the body of Han that Aragorn carries on his shoulders.  He's so strong!  Am started to feel strangely attracted to Han, though.  (giggle)

            Legolas told Leia today that he didn't think it would work out between them.  Leia pulled out blaster and threatened to kill him.  He told her Han was more her style and that he preferred being single.  Also, he had a problem with her hair…he though she might be prettier then he.  Leia then proceeded to go over and shove Han off of Aragorn's shoulders.  The carbonated body fell an broke.  He's free!  OH NO!

            Legolas went to Gimli.  Gimli doesn't care.  He has Chewy.  Legolas now pouting.  Wonder if Pippin will switch places with me. Han won't put me down.  Ring seems to still be attached to him…


	5. Day 5 Sam

**Day 5**

**Sam**

            Today met up with Haldir who fainted at the sight of our Fellowship.  Stupid Elf.  Leia bent down to help him but he started to scream.

            "Ah!  What a horrible sight!  Ewe!  Gross!  Some one, get this beast off me!!"

            Leia was utterly appalled.  She slapped him.  He apologized and explained he thought it was Legolas.  Legolas slapped him too.  This is getting good. 

            Merry and Pippin are trying to teach Threepio archery, stupid hobbits.  It is quite entertaining…Haldir wants Artoo.  Says he's always been fascinated by the shiny hobbits…asked Han how to use blaster.  Haldir's going to regret that.  Also, Aragorn tried to take Mr. Frodo with him when he went to argue with Haldir about who got to kill Luke.  I pointed blaster at him and he was soon arguing alone. 

            Mr. Frodo hasn't been eating lately, or sleeping.  Says it's the ring.  I think it's all the stress from Han and Aragron.  So we shaved Mr. Frodo's head and painted his face with neon colors.  He is now called Mr. Five-greeto.  The hobbits are convincing everyone that he is in fact another droid.  Aragorn is now crying.  Thinks Mr. Frodo died.  Ha, ha!  Twit!  Han ran to Leia to pout.  Stupid princess though, seems to have fallen for new droid.  Am going to have a shoot out with her…

            Met the Lady of Light, Galandriel. Quite a babe.  Seems to be taking an interest in Threepio.  Says his coat is perfect for reflecting light.  Asked him to stand in her room, so he'd light it up.  Artoo is throwing a fit.  Says she is slowly taking him apart and using pieces to decorate her room.  Threepio denies it.  Merry and Pippin told him its good look to give your parts away if you're a droid. 

            Mr. Frodo, aka Mr. Five-greeto, is in depression.  Says he wanted Galandriel to like him.  So as I tried to cheer everyone up by singing about fireworks and dancing the chicken dance, Mr. Frodo went to drown himself.  Galandriel was already there, though.  Tried to take ring.  Said she liked him better as hobbit.  Gave him a wig.  He offered the ring in exchange.  She didn't take it, apparently.  Wonder what she did take?__


	6. Day 6 Merry

**Day 6**

**Merry**

            Left Galandriel with a new spear.  Sam keeps fingering pistol uttering something about hating the pretty elf.  Pippin said he's mad that he only got rope.  Pippin also said that he's going to use rope on Han and Aragorn.  Poor humans.  Chewbacca made Pippin and I put Threepio back together, after Leia retrieved the pieces out of Galandriels' room.  Apparently she also retrieved some new clothes and some cool headpieces.

             Luke got his light saber back.  Now Frodo is hiding inside Artoo.  Leia is still looking for the other droid.  She hasn't figured it out that it was Frodo.  Han and Aragorn got into a fistfight over who got to row the boat with Frodo.  Why does everyone want Frodo.  Considering suicide.  Although, felt better when Pippin tipped Aragorn's boat over with Frodo still inside Artoo.  They were so close to the waterfall when the stupid droid learned how to swim.

            After arriving on the banks of the river, we took a break.  Frodo was helped out of Artoo.  He was soon forced to run into woods as to escape from the grasps of Han and Aragorn.  Gimli and Chewbacca blow-dried each other's hair and Leia and Legolas braided each other's hair.  Pippin and I were trying to teach Threepio how to swim when Frodo came running back beckoning for us to go look.

            Followed Frodo into woods to find Gandalf and a man the others called Obi-Wan, sword fighting.  It was sweet!  Gandalf would move things with his staff and Obi-Wan would through things with a wave of his hand.  Aragorn went to aid Gandalf and Luke went to help Obi-Wan.  Frodo naturally rooted for Gandalf and yelled things like, 

            "Go for the young one!  The ugly one with the fake hands!"

            Suddenly, though, the two stopped and shook hands.

            "Well done, you have completed the Jedi training." Obi-Wan said, handing Gandalf a light saber.

            "And you have learned all the ways of a wizard." Gandalf said handing him a black belt.

            "Gandalf!" Pippin yelled with a smile.

            Gandalf looked at his light saber and smiled.  Pippin suddenly turned and ran with Gandalf chasing after him yelling, "I've waited far too long!"

            Convinced Threepio to give me a piggyback ride as we chased after the two.


	7. Day 7 Merry

**Day 7**

**Pippin**

            Ran from Gandalf, today.  Stupid Obi-Wan gave him a light saber.  Now I'm dead.  Actually, I'm quite convinced that if I reason with him, he'll let me live.  Maybe if I tell him that Merry and I are trying to learn pointy hat trick…or maybe I'll tell him he can have the droids.  Merry would kill me then.  It seems he has become quite attached to them.  Poor Merry… 

Stupid elf is now running with me.  Somehow he caught up.  Why couldn't it be Aragorn?  Someone who could back me up?  He asked if I ran daily.  Considering kicking him, but his company's nice.  After a nice chat about free haircuts and watermelon, we stopped so I could take a breather.  Told him to go back and get Merry. 

A few minutes later I was running with Merry, who told me Gandalf wasn't back there anymore.  Said Legolas would've seen him when he dropped him off.  Merry's an idiot.  Probably too busy eating that luscious carrot…I want that carrot.  Has he no manners?  He got the carrot last time too…(pout)  Why does he get everything?  He even gets to become a war hero…stupid hobbit.  Maybe I'll do something rash…I'll merry Chewbacca!  What am I thinking?

Was informed that Han had called Millennium Falcon to come pick him up because he chickened out of the mission.  Stupid mortal.  Heard that Aragorn was beginning to fancy him.  They were so much alike…I suppose it was for the best then.  Sam will be happy.  Also heard that Obi-wan and Gandalf disappeared…that's just like Gandalf.  Make a big entrance then disappear.  To bad, wanted to see pointy hat trick on last time…Merry just doesn't have it down yet. 

Was also told that since Legolas wanted Gimli, Leia went with Han.  Also heard that she left him all her plans for taking over the world.  Hope Aragorn keeps an eye on that elf… Also, Gimli found out that Chewbacca had lice and he sheds beasts in the winter, so they too broke up.  Not sure what happened to droids.  Maybe they're still back there…Urik-hai seem much more fascinating now, though. 

While I tried to get carrot away from Merry, got picked up by Urik-hai, who offered to run us back to fellowship.  They obviously have a bad sense of direction.  They're running the wrong way.  Wait!  There are some mushrooms!  As long as I can eat, they can keep running…  

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_Comments. I don't know about you, but this one isn't as great as the first. I was in a weird mood when I wrote it and it was late…is it still okay? I got the idea when I heard a guy put the LOTR with HP and SW at a speech meet. So I tried my own version. Credit defiantly goes to him. As well as Tolkien, again, Cassandra Claire, and George Lucas. These are not my characters. These are brilliant writers to whom I owe tons of credit. I also want to thank again, Nárie, who helps with so much. So…questions? Comments? Ideas? Anything, please…I'm all ears. The next one will be better, I promise. This one is just kinda weird. Oh well. I'm not perfect. Make sure you check out the first one titled, The Secret Adventures of the Fellowship featuring Pirates of the Caribbean and LOTR! (I'm hoping to write the POTC journals on that adventure; you know, like their view on the adventure, some time soon. It was requested, so be patient. It's coming!) Also, be sure to check out the story entitled, Legolas Wanted.  And let me know what you think! Thanks for reading and look for future SECRET ADVENTURES!!_

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